Do You Remember?
by Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo
Summary: Mark remembers something. And has a dark secret that he can no longer hide. MR slashfluff.


**Do you remember?**

It was a cool and quiet night when Mark's eyes suddenly fluttered open. He rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his messy blond hair, then turned over to glance at the bedside clock, which glared 2:33 am. Mark's dull blue eyes drifted from the clock to the night sky, which was pitch black but decorated with thousands of little stars and a glowing full moon, and sighed. _There's only one sight more beautiful than that_, he thought as he turned over to gaze at his boyfriend Roger, who slept peacefully beside him. He ran a finger down the side of Roger's face, over his stubbled chin, down his strong chest as it rose and fell with every breath, and came down to rest over his right nipple. Mark slowly rubbed the nipple back and forth, causing Roger's breaths to become shorter and faster even though he was asleep. As his nipple became firmer and more erect, his eyes started to twitch until they too fluttered open and gazed at his boyfriend's face which hovered above him.

"Hey", said Roger with a sleepy smile, as he gently ruffled Mark's hair.

"Hey", returned Mark in a whisper.

Roger searched his face and noticed that his boyfriend was deep in thought. "What're you thinking?" he asked.

Mark retracted his hand and sat up straight, hugging his knees while facing his back to Roger. Roger also sat up, his brow crinkling with concern. "Mark? Something wrong, baby?"

Mark sighed. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

"I sure do", said the rock star with a chuckle. "You hated my guts to bits. You even said one that you'd rather room in with Hitler than with me."

Mark giggled as he remembered the story. "I couldn't stand to be around you or even look at you, especially when you were with April. You thought it was because I was from a wealthy, elite Jewish family who didn't mix with any riff-raff. But it was actually because I was jealous of April and all the things she did to you. **I** wanted to be the one doing all those things."

"Yes, I already knew that. Time really does reveal all," said Roger as he slipped his arm around his skinny waist and kissed his cheek.

"But I actually...well, I have a sort of a confession to make." He turned around to face Roger, his eyes suddenly turning serious. "April spoke to me the day of the night she died. She told me how she had AIDS and how ashamed she was for being the one responsible for putting her life and yours at risk. She told me how much she really loved you and how by killing herself she could "set you free" from the burden of looking after her when her health started failing. She asked me if I supported her in her decision." He looked down at his thumbs as he spoke.

"And? What did you say?" asked Roger, his heart thumping.

Mark took in a deep breath, his lip slowly trembling. "That's just it. I didn't say anything. I didn't even try to stop her. I just said, "Your decision. Just do whatever makes you happy". Deep down, I was hoping she would go through with it so that I could have you for myself." His voice got shakier as a few stray tears rolled down his face. "I was just in the next room when she was slitting her wrists. I could have stopped her at the last minute, but I chose not to. I thought that was the only way I could ever have you. Even when you found her lying in the bathtub drenched in blood, a part of me was happy that she was out of the picture. I knew I'd never have to compete with her ever again."

Mark took Roger's hand in his and gently stroked it. "When when I saw how much you cried over her body, I immediately regretted it. I felt so horrible because I was partially responsible for her death. I didn't even think about how much it would affect you until I saw how hurt and devastated you were. I didn't realise how selfish and cruel I really was until you fell into that deep depression for years. That's why I didn't do anything when Mimi came into your life. I didn't want to rob you of a happy relationship again. I just stayed on the side and watched you get intimate with each other. _That_ was the punishment I deserved. _That's_ why I didn't tell you how I felt until much later, once I was past my guilt. I felt like such a murderer. I'm sorry, Rog. I'm so sorry for what I-"

Roger silenced him with a finger to his lips. "No Mark, don't. I'm not angry with you at all. You're not the cause of April's death, _she_ was. Even if you did tell her not to do it, it was still her who took the blade to her wrists that night. She acted out of her own free will. _She_ alone is responsible for her death, not you. Please don't blame yourself, Marky. I'm actually touched that you loved me that much." He pulled the Jewish boy into a close, tight hug and gently stroked his back. "I would have left her for you anyway if she didn't go through with it."

"I'm so sorry, Roger. I wish I'd tried to save her."

"Don't say that, Marky. Forget regret, remember?" whispered Roger. Mark pulled away, took Roger's face in both his hands and kissed him, slowly at first then hungrily and more passionately. Roger pulled Mark's body close to him as the two of them played more tonsil-hockey, until finally coming up for oxygen supply. Roger laid Mark down on the side and laid himself beside him.

"Well, for what it's worth, if none of that happened, we would never be as grateful for what we have as we do now," said the rock star while putting his arm around his lover's shoulders.

Mark kissed his lips. "I love you, Roger."

"I love you more," he replied as he laid his head down and pulled Mark close to him, as they both drifted off into a sleep filled with hopes and dreams for the future and beyond.

----------------------------------------------------LE END!--------------------------------------------

Hope you liked it guys!!! R and R please!!!

-passes out peanut butter and anchovy cookies to everyone-


End file.
